Chasing demons around the park

*I wrote this 2 months ago and didn't post for some reason* Everyone seems to be talking about Pokemon Go  (or racism and terrorism which I'm avoiding) (I mean, I always avoid terrorism and racism but I'm avoiding people/posts talking about racism or any other isms really) (because I really just can't with any of that right...

Winter, Self Care, and not being Okay

Melbourne winter hits us hard. It seems to sneak up on us. One day we are lolling about in the park worried about what times are the worst for UV exposure and the next day we are pulling out our electric blankets and trying to wear all of our hoodies at once. Social media feeds are...

When I Say I’m Tired…

Just about every time someone asks me how I am lately, I've answered with "I'm tired." Depression and Anxiety and Grief is exhausting. I am tired when I wake up in the morning and I am tired for most of the day until I go to bed again. I am so fucking tired that sometimes...

Stern words about stuff and things

Trying to predict grief is a little hard on the old muscles. Trying to control when it comes out and how to manage my feelings has left me in knots. Wise words (paraphrased) from a friend: Look, stuff like Easter and traditional family things are going to be hard but try not to assume the...

Reminder

A dear loved one said to me today that she loves my mental illness because it is a part of me and she loves me. She said that I wouldn't be this Jac that she loves without having been through what I've been through, without experiencing what I experience, and without working as hard as...

A Whole New Level of Growth (aka Triggered As F*&k)

The past fortnight has been a maelstrom of triggered anxiety, panic, dread, fear, and exhaustion. Every day I have had a panic attack. Every night I have wept with my doona over my head after dreaming different versions of the same scenario which has haunted me since I was 17 years old. Every day for...

I can see what you’re doing there, Brain.

I am having a challenging day after a challenging night of little sleep and dark passengers. (Like the use of 'challenging' instead of 'fucked' or 'shit' or 'crap'? I do! Hi DBT) I'm noticing the darkness and the niggling, poking, prodding fingers of self hatred. I am fighting the urges and the cravings. I am...

Self care: The Jaction Plan

I have been physically ill for months with side effects from some meds I was prescribed in an attempt to stabilise my moods, particularly in the pre-menstrual week. Side effects have included a 32 day period, headaches, fatigue, dehydration, dizziness, nausea...it felt like the worst hangover ever EVERYDAY plus added bonus of period. The whole...

Come here often?

The psychiatric ward taught me it's OK to laugh about mental illness , a piece published in The Guardian in April, is so very very important when thinking about stigma and what it means for sufferers of mental illness. To be admitted on to a psych ward, whether voluntary or not, whether in the private or...